The Angels remind us that we naturally have access to a wide range of emotions. This is a gift, to be able to feel and express multiple, and even conflicting, emotions at any given time. But we can’t pick and choose only the “good” ones. It’s a package deal, and we must be willing to explore them as they arise.
The Angels remind us that leadership is not about being “in charge”. It’s taking charge of ourselves–our emotions, actions, and healing and growth needs–and holding authentic space for others to do the same. We have opportunties to be an example of this every day, if we’re willing to take the leap.
For more info and inspiration to Awaken, Heal, and Lead, visit www.aspiritledlife.org.
The Angels remind us we can have our wild life, as well as our domesticated life. We can be bold and scared, happy and sad. We can be all things at once, or just one thing at a time. It’s ok to sit back, stop trying to fabricate a perfect existence, and just be who our soul is in this moment. In fact, it’s encouraged.
Throughout our lives, we make a lot of choices. Some work out, some don’t. Over time, as we look back and reflect, we often see our mistakes as some kind of internal flaw, an obvious defect that, had it been corrected much earlier, would have changed the course of our lives. This thinking leads to a deep lack of trust – in people, in situations, and most especially in ourselves.
When we feel we can’t be trusted to make the best decisions for our own lives, it jars our belief in ourselves as a person. We feel unworthy and in need of someone or something outside of us to help guide and direct us. We start to give up our power, our direction, our belief that we can take care of ourselves in the best way.
Sometimes, this trust is broken by an external event. Our children leave home and need us less, leaving us feeling empty and unsure of what to do next. Our spouse makes the decision to move on without us. We face a traumatic loss that causes us to question everything. No matter our great choices, life is now different and our trust in the patterns and expectations of life are shattered.
Grief, anger, fear, shame, and sadness are all emotional results of loss of trust. When we lose trust in ourselves, we grieve this loss. We carry a sadness that can be masked and avoided by busyness yet still lurks below the surface. We feel shame that we made these choices or allowed these things to happen to us, even when we didn’t actually have that kind of control. We get angry at the unfairness of it all, yet retreat back to our corners in fear that one more wrong choice will create more pain.
I remember the day someone told me I carried a great sadness. I was shocked. I didn’t feel sad. What did I even have to be sad about? Then I started observing myself more closely, especially in the quiet times when I was alone. I recall sitting in my car one morning during my commute and feeling the heavy weight of sadness like someone had draped a wet blanket over me. It was both nauseating and suffocating.
Had I always been this sad? How could I have avoided feeling this for so long?
It wasn’t until I started to allow more stillness into my life and to peel back the layers of blame for choices that didn’t turn out like I’d hope – so many not even my own – that I started to release the sadness, grief, anger, shame, and fear.
In my personal work and work with others, I’ve realized that much of our avoidance of issues comes from overthinking to the point that we drown out our inner guidance. Our inner guidance tells us that we ARE worthy, we ARE to be trusted, we DO make good choices for ourselves, and we CAN’T control other people or take the blame for their choices, even if they affect us. Yet, to get to that place, we have to sit through the voices the yell the opposite. We have to be still long enough to tell those voices to be quiet, so we can hear the real truth within. And it’s difficult. One of the most difficult things we will ever do is to confront those voices that steer us away from our inner guidance and truth. It’s also one of the most uplifting and healing.
I offer you a few techniques that have helped me and other women who’ve reached that place where they’re ready for radical change. That place where the risk of staying put and accepting the lack of trust is no longer worth the painful side effects. That point in time where something inside stirs and whispers, “enough is enough.”
- Notice how you feel in your body – We often get stuck in that place of thinking too much and not allowing ourselves to be—be quiet, be sad, be grief-stricken, be us. There are some recognizable signs that we’re in that place. We feel stress, worry, and doubt. We don’t know how to move forward or make a decision. We feel “buzzy” or heavy energy around our heads, heart, and/or belly. When we recognize these are signs of being stuck, of now allowing trust in our inner guidance, we can find a safe, quiet place to be still and work through it.
- Be still and allow– As much as the idea of getting really quiet with your own thoughts may sound frightening, it’s a necessary step. You have to allow yourself the space to get past all the loud thoughts so you can get to the quiet ones. This may take time, if you’re not used to it. Start with just a few minutes a few days a week and build up. You didn’t reach this place overnight; you don’t have to unravel it overnight either.
- Drop down – When we’re overthinking, we’re in our heads. That’s why we feel lots of energy there. However, inner guidance comes from the heart or the gut. When you want guidance but can’t seem to quiet your thoughts, focus your attention on your heart space. Imagine a beautiful, healing pink bubble of light situated right in front of your heart, glowing with peace and calm. Keep focusing on the bubble until your breathing slows naturally and your racing thoughts begin to clear. Return to the bubble as often as necessary.
If you’re at a point in your life where you’re feeling the weight of sadness, grief, anger, shame, or fear affecting you and you’re ready to do something about it, I stand with you on your journey, and I summon for you the collective energy of all the women before you who have taken this step.
Trust that you are worthy. Trust that you are enough. Trust that the healing can begin. And if you need one-on-one support, feel free to reach out to me.
Love and light,
P.S. Click HERE to learn more about the healing work I do.
Recently, two respected co-workers left one of the organizations where I work just weeks apart, and with each departure, I found myself unexpectedly sad. These were professional colleagues, not even people who I spent time with outside of work. Yet up came a strong sadness, without warning, taking me a bit by surprise.
Historically, I’ve avoided sadness and other difficult emotions. I find that I’m not alone. Almost everyone who comes to me for healing work recognizes they need to shift something. Many aren’t aware that what they need to shift is a deep sadness, carried for months or even years and often masked by anger, depression, stress, busyness, and other emotional layers of protection. It’s often surprising and personally challenging to confront someone else’s sadness, because it inevitably taps into my own raw, unhealed places.
Through years of my own work, I’ve experienced the value of working through and allowing emotions as a healthy part of a self-care routine. Though we often think self-care means avoiding anything painful or disturbing, in reality, healthy self-care entails allowing and supporting ourselves to move through difficult emotions and painful experiences. In moving through, we may temporarily feel discomfort, but we also have the opportunity to discover our strength and to experience the contrast between the shadows and the lighter side of life. It’s like a controlled forest fire; sometimes we need to allow parts of our internal forest be burned up in order to make way for new growth that follows the devastation.
That’s why it’s so important to have a dynamic toolbox of self-care techniques to address emotional triggers and deal with sadness and other emotions as they come up. Below are six tips that I’ve cultivated (and am still learning) for my own self-care routine and share with women I support in their own healing work.
Give in – When you feel the waves of sadness coming, don’t fight it. Yes, it can be scary to feel the intensity of those feelings. Yet like waves, they will pass and bring with them a sense of clarity and cleansing.
Breathe – Most of the time when we encounter something difficult or painful, we hold our breath. We take shallow breaths, which restricts the oxygen to our lungs, cells, and other organs. Taking deep, purposeful breaths is not only relaxing, it gets the oxygen where it needs to go to counteract the fight or flight response which happens with stressful experiences. Childbirth classes teach breathing exercises for a reason—because it helps to get you through painful experiences.
Hold space – Don’t let your feelings wash in and drown you. Set a sacred container for the sadness to enter and be enclosed in a safe and intentional way. This can be ritualistic, such as setting up an altar, or involve enlisting the help of a trusted counselor. It can also be energetic, by creating clear energetic boundaries for your personal space, practicing mindful movement like yoga, and using healing techniques, such as energy work and Epsom salts baths, to keep moving the shifted energy out.
Take a break – Working through intense emotions is difficult work. It can’t always be completed in an hour, a day, or even a week. Sometimes it takes years, depending on the magnitude and depth of the situation. Give yourself the gift of taking time out to take care of yourself in other ways. Go to work, tend to your family, nurture yourself with good food. But be sure not to let the important work go until it feels complete.
Be open to more work– Sometimes we feel things are complete and we’ve moved on, only to unexpectedly face them again. This is normal. We did all the work we needed to earlier. We weren’t ready for this wave. Or the timing wasn’t right then, and now it is. Follow the same process of giving in, staying connected to your breath, holding sacred space for yourself and your feelings, and give yourself a break when you need it.
Know when to ask for help – Sometimes, no matter how much you breathe and feel and hold space, it’s simply not enough. You need something more. You must be willing to be honest with yourself and ask for extra support when you need it to see you through safely. This might include talking with a good friend, finding a support group, consulting a therapist, or scheduling a session with an energy healer. This might be a whole team of people supporting you. As long as you get the help you need.
What experiences do you have with sadness? What self-care practices help you get through difficult emotions? Do you feel like you need support working through sadness? Feel free to reply with your comments or questions and let’s chat about whether energy healing might be the support you need. I’d love to be on your team!
Love and light,
The end of the year can be a time of strong emotions. The angels want you to acknowledge and embrace those feelings if you have them. Don’t push them away, bury them, or power through. Allow them to wash over you, fill the cracks of who you are, for they ARE you. You are the light and the shadow. Embrace and find comfort in your whole, beautiful self.